Author Archives: Married Single Mom

How Did we get here… P1

I feel like our story together really began in the fall of 2014.

At that time this had been a blur for myself juggling a full time job, a full time online college course and being a single mother of a beautiful little girl.

When I say single mother I mean actually one hundred percent. I can’t remember at this time if he had been helping financially but I don’t recall, I do know until 2018 it was the state minimum of $50. Visitation was limited and I had to fight for him to have a relationship. I already had full custody (he gave it to me).

Needless to say things where tight then and it left little time for me to be social.

Deciding to reach out for a companion was difficult. I mean I had dated since my daughter’s father left but something about this time was different. I was no longer looking for someone to build a life with I mean, I had already built my own. Our life was simple and we struggled but it was ours and we did not depend on anyone to fulfill our needs. I was looking for someone to add to our lives someone to enjoy things with.

I opened my online dating profile and decided I wanted 3 things in a companion.

First I did not want someone who lived in my hometown. Strangely I wanted that separation, I needed our interactions to be planned and not just something that we did out of convince.

Secondly I did not want to date someone with children. my reasoning at that time was that I did not think I could love someone elses children as much as I loved my own. Turns out later that should not have been a concern.

Lastly I wanted someone who had a career or an established profession. I knew from past relationships that I did not want someone that couldn’t be consistent and that to me was a sign of consistency.

To be continued….


	


	





	

		
The straw that broke the camel’s back. 🐪🌡️🧺
	


	
	

		

That’s it… I’m done… God why do I do this… I hate living like this… All things I tell myself everyday but feel like I can’t say aloud in fear that it will start an argument and It does no good. All you have to do is ask (and I won’t do it) I am tired from work (you are to since we both work 40 hours a week but that doesn’t matter). All things you say. 





Today like any other Sunday I woke up to my beautiful four year old daughter and got her breakfast and woke up my sleepy ten year old. Like any other Sunday my husband was out doing one of his many hobbies. I haven’t felt well, fever, nausea and body aches so I rested on the arm chair after getting the girls situated and starting the laundry. I had asked my husband to clean up a bit the Friday before but he must have “forgotten” and lets me honest here all I asked for was him to wipe out his mess in the microwave and take care of his work clothes on the dryer. Again I tell myself it’s just a microwave and I can just do it after the other chores.





By early afternoon my husband comes home. The house is overun with activities that have been keeping the kids busy and I explain I am feeling much worse and may need to call in tomorrow for a Covid test. My husband says he is going to make lunch and everything seems to be looking up I could definitely use the nap I am ready to take.. I don’t seem to have my eyes shut for two minutes before everyone needs something from mom and dad is to busy to help he is making lunch. The dryer goes off twice and It seems no one else is familiar with the buzz so I tend to switching loads. Lunch is delicious and I am so appreciative that I did not have to make it however it occurs to me that just making the kids a snack would have saved me the enormous mess in the kitchen.





This nap has to happen! I need to rest! My head is pounding and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I lay down feeling relief ignoring the fact that my house has exploded and this week’s laundry all needs folding… And then I hear it the straw that broke the camel’s back… The noise that finally broke me…. (Snoring)… I turn around to see my husband fast asleep in his arm chair next to his end table where his lunch dishes lie. The chair is surround by toys and my daughter standing in the middle of it all looking at me to be her parent. “If you are going to nap you need to tell me and I will get up, but I don’t feel good” I say. “She can watch her sister for a bit (my ten year old) so we can nap” “okay I’m getting up there are thing that need to be done today and if I don’t do them they are obviously not getting done” I proceed to get up and he says it…





If you want me to do something just ask…………..😵‍💫😵🤥





All I can manage to get out of my mouth before he falls back asleep is “your an adult, open your eyes you can see what needs to be done”





So I clean and switch another load and all I can think of is that’s it I’m done… I work as many hours as you and do 90x the housework. I’m sick and I still have to do 100 percent of the work while you nap in your chair. Is it me? Do I expect to much?..my house is constantly dirty and I can’t keep up working this many hours and you following behind me making a mess. I don’t want to live like this!